Absence

Absence. It has great meaning to me; granted, I was inspired to use it as I haven't been posting or viewing lately, but where the word stands with me can be separated into different aspects.

I'd like to say that I've had a lot on my plate lately, but that's not entirely true if you discount that I am a mom all the time. I've just been focused on other things and 'feeling' weighed down. I get that feeling a lot unfortunately, which brings me to another aspect of 'absense'.

There are a great many things absent from my life but some, more than others, get to me on a regular basis. Five years ago, when I made the big trip from Canada to Nebraska, it was like suddenly being free. I recall taking in deep breaths of this fresh country air and knowing immediately that it was for me. I was more than happy to be separated from my family and all of their emotional baggage and the people I stayed with were also more than happy to let me do my own thing. Having a child though has put things into perspective.

I miss my mother and my father. I regret that they cannot be near to watch their first grandchild grow - but almost more than that, I miss the support. They might be only a phone call or an email away but there is a lacking there that I feel at least twice a day. My mom raised six children and my father knows how to fix or handle just about any problem that could possible crop up and right now, I know that I could benefit immensely from their experience. Its times like these that have me fervrently wishing that all my friends didn't live so far away, that I knew how to talk to them about myself without feeling awkward, and so on.

Absence though. Yes. The absence of knowledge concerning how to fix a backed-up pipe, thus resulting in numerous calls to a plumber who has taken nearly a month to semi-fix said problem. The absence of knowledge concerning how to fix a broken A/C unit that not only cools the area but squeels fiercely when turned on (think of nails scratching over chalkboard).

I'm reminded of a moment this morning, after a brief (and rare) outing with the little one, that we nearly ran over a black cat running across the street and turning to my husband I asked; "Do you think we'll have bad luck now?"

To which he responded (semi-jokingly); "Are you kidding? We already have that. You know the saying 'if it weren't for bad luck, you'd have no luck at all'?"

I jokingly replied that its possible the cat negated our natural bad luck but was quietly hoping that it had.

There are a few more 'absences' in my life, but I think I've outlined the ones frustrating me the most lately.