Friday, June 22, 2007

Absence

Absence. It has great meaning to me; granted, I was inspired to use it as I haven't been posting or viewing lately, but where the word stands with me can be separated into different aspects.

I'd like to say that I've had a lot on my plate lately, but that's not entirely true if you discount that I am a mom all the time. I've just been focused on other things and 'feeling' weighed down. I get that feeling a lot unfortunately, which brings me to another aspect of 'absense'.

There are a great many things absent from my life but some, more than others, get to me on a regular basis. Five years ago, when I made the big trip from Canada to Nebraska, it was like suddenly being free. I recall taking in deep breaths of this fresh country air and knowing immediately that it was for me. I was more than happy to be separated from my family and all of their emotional baggage and the people I stayed with were also more than happy to let me do my own thing. Having a child though has put things into perspective.

I miss my mother and my father. I regret that they cannot be near to watch their first grandchild grow - but almost more than that, I miss the support. They might be only a phone call or an email away but there is a lacking there that I feel at least twice a day. My mom raised six children and my father knows how to fix or handle just about any problem that could possible crop up and right now, I know that I could benefit immensely from their experience. Its times like these that have me fervrently wishing that all my friends didn't live so far away, that I knew how to talk to them about myself without feeling awkward, and so on.

Absence though. Yes. The absence of knowledge concerning how to fix a backed-up pipe, thus resulting in numerous calls to a plumber who has taken nearly a month to semi-fix said problem. The absence of knowledge concerning how to fix a broken A/C unit that not only cools the area but squeels fiercely when turned on (think of nails scratching over chalkboard).

I'm reminded of a moment this morning, after a brief (and rare) outing with the little one, that we nearly ran over a black cat running across the street and turning to my husband I asked; "Do you think we'll have bad luck now?"

To which he responded (semi-jokingly); "Are you kidding? We already have that. You know the saying 'if it weren't for bad luck, you'd have no luck at all'?"

I jokingly replied that its possible the cat negated our natural bad luck but was quietly hoping that it had.

There are a few more 'absences' in my life, but I think I've outlined the ones frustrating me the most lately.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Extinguished Flame

This story is along the same lines as the one below; Barren Memories. The haunting loss of beloved Linot.

A sharp flicker of the candle's flame drew her gaze from the couch she found herself lounging upon and then slowly toward the balcony door that stood cracked open, though it was mostly concealed by lacy white drapery, so thin that even the faintest breeze stirred the fabric.

Moonlight filtered in through the drapery and with it, she felt again the stirring of the breeze. The candle flickered gently a second time and quite suddenly, went out. Alert now, she nonetheless remained where she was, though covertly slipped her hand down the other side of the couch's arm to wrap her fingers around the hilt of a sheathed blade. She always kept it with her and was always glad that she had.

Nothing moved in the moonlit darkness as her gaze swept the room slowly. That is, nothing but the white drapery, which again drew her sight. She became aware of a gentle, smokey scent as she stared at the balcony door, and knew it as the extinguished flame of the candle. Moments passed and nothing more happened, though it was apparent that the wind was picking up.

She couldn't relax though and feeling a nervous energy inundate her, she slowly stood up with blade in hand and moved toward the candle. The eerie sound of wind whistling softly outside the balcony came to her ears as she took a brief moment to re-light the candle...only to have it wisp out on her again suddenly.

An uncomfortable tingle touched the back of her neck then and, gripping the hilt of her blade harder, she released a slow breath and turned around. What greeted her sight in the balcony doorway, shrouded by the white drapery that rose and fell in a continuous dance, stole her breath and tightened her chest with a horrible sensation.

"Linot?" She whispered hoarsely, unable to wrap her mind around the moment.

As if in answer, the ghostly figure lifted a hand and pointed at her. An inhuman sound followed, one of such sorrow that she felt her heart constrict painfully and then, as suddenly as the candle's flame had gone out, so too did the ghostly being disperse - leaving behind only the echo of its loss.

~

Nymaya's eyes snapped open and she sucked in a sharp breath even as she sat bolt upright upon the couch. It was still night though there was no moonlight and the balcony door was closed. She was, nonetheless, grasping the hilt of her blade and a light smokey scent turned her gaze to see that the candle's flame had gone out.